The news is trash. It is designed to disable and monetize us, and we’ve been playing along like sheep, dumber by the day. Consuming it stands in the way of making headway on the truly important questions in life
Such as — who would win an epic battle between Allosaurus and Titanoboa?
Yes, your brain is so disintegrated by the 24-hour news cycle that this question forces a queasy realignment in your nervous system. Therefore, we are easing this through multiple choice
A) Allosaurus. Though undeniably magnificent, even a 45 foot long serpent is no match for Allosaurus. Some section of Titanoboa would be exposed in the act of constriction, and one toothy chomp would turn the fight’s bloody tide
B) Titanoboa. Allosaurus was a fossil by the time Titanoboa evolved
C) Both win. They fall in love
Now — the news is no match for your rewired mind. You’re welcome